Progress Report 2...A crazy dream and a 180 twist

Ever since I was a kid, I'd always had re-occuring nightmares about having to fight off things that are much bigger than me. When I was 10 or 11, and had just moved out of Detroit and into Okemos, it was a giant green 'thing' that was chasing me through my middle school, and all I could do was run from it. When I was in my early teens, before I started Taekwondo, it was zombies chasing me through a broken down old house. They always seemed to outnumber me 30 to 1, so again all I could do was run. When I was around 16 and had started tae kwon do training, 'it' changed form again- this time returning to a singular state, and taking the form of a giant a--hole at a bar. Against this monster, I could at least fight back, but I still never managed to win. Much like in all the other dreams, once I was totally cornered, and with no way out, I'd wake up with a start, covered in sweat. Such is how it continued into adulthood. (Which, although she understood it, both wigged out and grossed out my ex-girlfriend Kasumi).

A few months ago however, for the first time since the last change at 16, the dream changed form again. This time placing me in dark alley, alone. As always, my opponent was much bigger than I was, but this time he was armed with a 26" Katana (Japanese Samurai Sword), while I was barefisted.

The funny thing about it however, was that unlike the other dreams which always seemed to drag on for hours, this dream was relatively short. And it was short because for the first time in my life, I won. Also unlike the other dreams, I actually started this one cornered. As he approached, I had no where to run, (and no desire to) so I raised my fists. Immediately he raised his arms to come in with a downward slash, and I sidestepped inward avoid the blade while simultaneously blocking the movement at the wrist (an obvious adaptation from something I had learned studying barehanded knife defense). Grabbing his hands at the same time, I used the momentum of the step to spin him around and slam his back against the wall behind us. At the same time that he hit the wall, I shoulder-checked him in the sternum so that he would be taking the impact to both sides of his body at the same time, which I knew -despite his size- would knock the wind out of him. ...and with that, he dropped the sword. Catching it with a reversed grip, I placed the edge of the blade on the bridge of his nose between the eyes, pushed in, and then slashed as hard as I could across both his eyes- to blind, but not kill him. With that, he dropped to the ground, and it was done. ...So I took off running before any of his homeboys came. I woke up once I arrived home. It was really atypical of any fighting dream I'd ever had before, and the most interesting thing about it was that when I woke up, I wasn't sweaty in the least. I was bone dry and felt perfectly calm.
At that point, I was fully awake, and as I sat up thinking about it, I got the feeling that it meant something, and that from right then and there, things were going to be different.

The last time I wrote a progress report message, I had just injured my right hand in a fight that I lost, and gotten dragged behind a car in the rain through grass, mud, and gravel (with that injured hand) in a toughman contest that ultimately resulted in my modeling agency being sued. Beyond that, as a function of the lawsuit, not only were my ties with my agency functionally severed, but I had also been stiffed out of my payment for both events, and with my work visa expiring, I couldn't actually work, but didn't have enough money to get back to the states where I could either. I also had no longer had a place to live.

Since then however, I've gotten two awesome jobs back to back- one teaching at a women's university in Kanagawa, Japan, and another teaching at a Kid's camp in Chejudo, Korea. Although short term, both of them provided visas, a great salary and a place to stay, and my students at both of these jobs have been just about the best I ever could have asked for. I've also had one great experience after another at both. Beyond that, I've gotten back on my feet financially, paid off all my personal debt to people, and paid off just about all of my credit card debt. (One more payment to go).

That in and of itself was enough to make me feel like things were starting to come full circle, but the icing on the cake was that a few weeks before returning to the states for Christmas, through a friend, I met the owner of an internet technologies company who was interested in investing getting Phat English repackaged sold and distributed all over Japan, (and possibly China) in exchange for a commision on any deal that his company sets up. After spending some time deliberating on the specifics of the contract, I met with him one more time, and signed and finalized everything right before flying out. He said to give him three months to land me a major deal, and it's only been 3 weeks, and we've already got major potential clients waiting to meet with me as soon as I get back to Japan. I've also found my first one out on my own here in Korea. It's just amazing.

They say that it's always darkest before the dawn, and if the events of this summer, and the consequent 180 that's happened since then haven't shown that the old saying holds true, than I don't know what does.

And now, having been through it, I can understand why life works the way it does. The more you go through the stronger it makes you...even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. When you actually hit rock bottom, if your will can survive it, you lose your fear. It dissipates because everything that you are afraid of happening, has already happened. And you've survived it. For every difficulty that may lie ahead, you've already had an experience that's given you a mental framework for getting through it. With that, your mind relaxes, and what was previously a source of stress becomes nothing more than a simple equation that you already know the answer to. And it's empowering. No matter how awful it may feel when you're going through it, each and every one of those failures along the way, each of those rejections, each one of those loses, becomes not just a source of experience, but a source of strength. They go from being your baggage to being both your roadmap and the windshield on your new convertible.

(For myself, the most recent personal example of that was this past trip home, when I lost my visa for Japan because I was leaving without a return ticket.I completely didn't expect that, and having a flight to catch, had no time to argue with them. Annoying as it was however, I didn't have to worry about it, because I'd already figured out a way around it when it happened last summer. Now it's more or less just a matter of reworking 'the plan' to integrate in the logistics of it.)

I had also heard a lot time ago, that luck is nothing more than when opportunity meets preparation. Now this anology also makes perfect sense. I hadn't succeeded before because I wasn't prepared for it...and now I am.

Thus far, since the beginning of this year, I've hit virtually every goal, large and small that I've set my sights on, and have rarely missed a step anywhere. When I did, I've caught myself, and compensated for it before any damage was done, and most of the time before anyone else even noticed. In addition to this, through it all, I've never lost that calmness that I had since waking from that dream, and it's also been months since I've had any nightmares about anything.

In looking back since I wrote the last blog on Miyamoto Musashi, one thing is for sure. - He was a pretty damn amazing guy. Afterall, in 30 years of fighting, and searching for 'the way' he'd never once lost. Another thing that is for sure however, is that I will never be him. I've only been walking my path for half as long, and I've lost hundreds of times. But at the same time, I've also come to realize that maybe I don't need to follow his way, because at this point, I think I've done just fine creating my own. Looking forward to the writing the next blog, and I'll speak with all of you soon.