The Utter Importance of Imperfection

If the Big Bang had been a perfect explosion,
then the universe as we know it would not exist. 

In the next few weeks, I'm going to meet with my co-director Michael so we can start planning out the next 4 episodes of How to Defeat Dudes. Now is my time to reflect on all the things that have gone wrong in the previous shows; all the dialogs that could have been smoother, the jokes that could have had better delivery, the techniques that could have been chosen and explained better, and the editing that could have make those mistakes seem all the more insignificant. 

As much as it pains me to reflect on all of the little things that make the show imperfect, the fact of the matter is, imperfection is simply an inherent part of creation. I remember my good friend Stu saying the same thing about Priest. Even with a budget of $60 million, there were still things that he wished he could have done better and he still felt the confines of his budget pushing up against what he wanted to see done. 

Beyond that, I also feel that these imperfections aren't just inherent in creation, they are inherent for a reason. If there wasn't imperfection (or at least some imbalance somewhere) there would never have been a big bang in the first place. Furthermore, if the big bang had been a perfect explosion, than matter would have been evenly distributed as it expanded outward, and particles wouldn't have begun to collide and clump together forming light, gases, stars, planets, life, and everything else in the universe- including us.

It is imperfection that allows us to love. What is love afterall beyond coming to accept and cherish the imperfections that make us special? Furthermore, if we had a perfect understanding of everyone around us all the time, we wouldn't be able to experience falling in love either. What is that beyond the process of something strange, cold, foreign and initially non-sensical, becoming familiar, warm and understandable? 

It is also imperfection that allows us to be who we are. When I was studying screen-writing, I learned that characters are defined by the decisions that they make within the story. In effect, we are largely a function of our experiences, and our experiences are based upon the decisions we make when we bump up against, well, life's little imperfections. In that respect, imperfection is also what gives us free will. If life was perfect, then there would be no real decisions to make. We wouldn't have the victories that push us forward and give us confidence or the failures that teach us how to cautious. If everything in life went along perfectly, we would never do those horrible things that fill us with regret, and show us how to be better. If we could experience the full scope of the space-time continuum instead of the limited, uni-directional phenomenon we call time, then we could know all that there is to know, but then again once again, we would lose all of the aforementioned. 

I am not writing this in any way to justify the concept of intelligent design, but perhaps this does imply that there are far greater things at work than what we currently understand. Maybe whatever force created the big bang, and made it an imperfect explosion did so not only so that life could come to be, but also so that life could actually live. 

Whether or not all that's the case, there is one thing I can say with certainty: if it hadn't been for each and every one of all the screw-ups, mistakes, and epic failures that I made in the past, I wouldn't be where I am now, or who I am. In that respect, I am grateful for all of them. And while trying to produce a perfect product, show or essay may be next to impossible, it's the process of trying and every so once in a while just barely touching perfection that makes it so incredibly enjoyable...at least most of the time anyway ;) 

Editing the Next 4 episodes of How to Defeat Dudes

Thanks to the Indiegogo campaign, I was able to raise up just enough money to crank out another 4 episodes of the show and I filmed them yesterday. Much like the last time, it was a marathon of coordinating a bunch of different people's schedules, lining up the location, and then cranking out all 4 in a single shoot before running out of ambient daylight.

As with any other shoot I've EVER been on, there were a variety of unique challenges that came up that day (like the fact that we had to turn off the heaters in the studio for the sound, so it was freezing), but I am happy that we managed to make it happen and cranked out something that I can be proud of. This shooting felt considerably better than the last one. While I was sick as a dog filming the last four, (and got even more sick after the shooting was completed) this time I was exhausted after the shoot, but overall still feeling good. Furthermore, after having a few months to sit down and observe how the first 3 episodes did (and what people liked/and how they were criticized), going in this time, I had a much stronger idea as to what I was doing, and could carefully write the episodes knowing what works. The working mechanics of the team were excellent and we moved efficiently. Much like the last time (but perhaps even more so) I took a few chances with comedic elements, so we`ll see how people respond to them. In addition to these new 4, I will also be dropping another episode that was meant to be episode 2 (although now it will be labeled as episode 4). I filmed it along with the original 3 that I released before, but wanted to add to it a bit before I posted it.

The five (including that one) that will be released in this run are as follows:
- opposite side wrist grab
- double wrist grabs
- bar scenario 1
- bar scenario 2
- knife defense

The episodes still left to film are:
- rear choke defense
- headlocks and variants
- how to stay on your feet
- defending yourself on the ground & getting back up on your feet
- defense from a mount
- multiple opponent scenarios

While Im really glad that the Indiegogo campaign has gotten me this far, Im still not sure what the future holds for the rest of the episodes. As this has been my first effort at actually producing something, Im incredibly happy and proud that its gotten this far. The first episode is set to break 10,000 hits tonight, and its been less than 2 months since I posted it. Between all of them, my Youtube channel is now getting around 600 hits a day and even if I do nothing else from now on, it will be well over 100,000 views by the end of the year. As far as my campaign goes, even while $475 may seem modest for what I was shooting for, Ive seen some other indiegogo campaigns that never even broke $50. The fact that Ive had multiple people donate $50, $100 or even $200 is just awesome to me. If the funding just isn't there and I can't complete all 15 of the episodes that I originally planned out, then I still can't complain.

This experience has taught me that I can work just as well behind the camera as I can in front of it, and that Im not the only one who thinks that my projects are a good idea. While it is as stressful as I imagined it to be, I really enjoy the process of writing, producing (and acting in) my own projects, and Im sure this won't be last endeavor on this front.