Popping the Question

Earlier this week, I had the honor of popping the question to my girlfriend Mari. Over the course of the 4 years we've been together, we have both seen some really rough times, and when I look back sometimes it amazes me that we made it this far.

For starters, even after all these years, we still have a language barrier. As brilliant of a person as she is, she still can't always express exactly what she wants to say in English, and my Japanese is still not exactly fluent either. (One time I accidentally told her father, "I belong to the tribe of ass.") Beyond that, there is also the cultural differences that come from being raised on opposite sides of the world, and that the fact that she comes from one of the most closed societies on earth. Her father actually told me "no" the first time I asked for his daughter's hand...but then again, that may have been because of the aforementioned mistake...). On top of all that, there is even a big difference in our size. She's 4' 11" and about 89 lbs. At 6'2" and 195 lbs, I'm more than twice her weight, and well over a foot taller.

Add in the fact that she has to deal with the stresses of being a self-made entrepenuer and I have to deal with the stresses of surviving as an actor (and the fact that we both have to manage to pay the rent each month without depending on anyone else for a paycheck) and it really starts to feel like some kind of a miracle.

At the same time though, as a person, I've always felt that the highest challenges reap the greatest rewards. Perhaps on some subconscious level, the appeal of our relationship is that it simply fits into that perimeter. (Don't ask me what she gets out of it ;)

As for the actual proposal itself, I surprised her by doing it under the first bloom of the cherry blossoms along the Meguro river.
Originally, I had another spot in mind... A place that I had found tucked away in an exotic foreign island when I was 20 during my first trip abroad. When I found it, I promised myself that if I ever proposed to someone I would take them there to do it, and part of the litmus test for her would be whether or not I could see her going.

At the same time though, once I had decided that it was time to start planning for it, I spoke to a few of my friends out here about it, and one friend in particular brought to light an interesting point. He said, "Dude, you may want to think about that, because if you really do this, it isn't just about you, or what you want. It's about the both of you." He went on to say that the proposal in particular is the woman's moment to shine, and if you don't do it right, she'll never let ya live it down. Thinking back on my own folks and how my Moms still complains about how my Dad proposed, (something that is worthy of a blog entry in and of itself), I decided that he was right. In effect, I had my own idea that fit my own personality, and I was attempting to wedge her into it, instead of thinking about what she would really like.

While I do still hope to take here to that special place someday, (and I know she would go if it meant a lot to me) it isn't someplace SHE has ever really wanted to go, and while that proposal might have been meaningful for me, given her personality, it most likely would not have been for her. Beyond that, given the timing of my quitting my job to pursue acting full time, getting out there would present logistical and visa challenges as well. With all of the factors to think about, I thought the best solution would be proposing under the cherry blossoms.



Cherry blossom viewing is something that is deeply meaningful for most Japanese people. It is also the most beautiful time of the year, and the spring weather is Tokyo is absolutely to die for. Furthermore, this would also mean that our anniversary would always be around that time, and for as long as we are together, it would be a moment she would remember every time she sees the those blossoms.

As for the ring, instead of getting a new one, I decided to use Mari's mother's ring. Just before we started dating, she lost her mother to cancer, and her father gave her her mother's ring. As her father has since moved on, she didn't quite know what to do with the ring, but certainly didn't quite want to get rid of it, either. Once I had it resized, I also had our first date anniversary engraved on the inside, as well as "C to M". When the day came, it was just about the best weather I could ask for. It was a blessing that she chose the Meguro river to walk along as well. From what everyone else I spoke to said, Tokyo's other main river, The Tama River was a wind tunnel that day, and most people were too cold to stay for too long.

It was pretty crowded along the river, but just before the end of our walk, I found an open seat near the river, and waited for a break from the passing crowds. It went off without a hitch, and her only complaint was that we were out in public, and I totally ruined her make-up by making her cry so much. After that the rest of the day consisted of pretty much spoiling her in any way I could and taking her out for her favorite lunch (Chinese Hainan Chicken), a nice dinner at La Boeme in Sakura Shinmachi, and then a short trip to her favorite donut shop. (She loves a Mister Donut, but personally I far prefer Crispy Creme). All in all, I'd say it was a good day for both of us. :)