Sh*t my Japanese Wife Says 4

Just thought it was time to share another round of awesome quotes from my amazing little wife.

1) On Ancient Greece
Mars: What were the names of those Greek guys we   talked about? Mercury and Sifilis?
Chuck: You mean Hercules and Sisyphus?
Mars: Yeah, them.

2) On Spending Money
C: Mars, Im thinking about investing some serious cash into some new camera equipment.
M: Really? If you want to do, go ahead. It's your money. But I don't wanna hear you whine and dine about how much you spent later.

3) On Long Summer Days Outside
M: Ugh, my shoes are Farmington.
C: Huh?
M: Like beer.
C: You mean fermented?
M: Yeah.
C: That still doesn't make any sense, dude.
M: I mean they stink!
C: Ah, okay, gotcha.

4) On Using Google
M: Damn it!
C: What's wrong?
M: I've been trying to find the spelling of this word for like 20 minutes, but it isn't on google.
C: What's the word?
M: "Sustificated"
C... Try "sophisticated".
A: Ah, okay! There it is. Thanks!

5) While Watching One of my Training Vids
M: You know, you are really a re-sell weapon.
C: Huh?
M: A re-sell weapon.
C: What's that?
M: Like the Bruce Willis movie.
C: Oh! A lethal weapon. Got it.

6) On English Swearing
M: The last order I made wasn't the shit.
C: Huh? You mean it wasn't the greatest?
M: Thats not what I mean.
C: So you mean it was "the shit", as in the greatest?
M: Nope.
C: So, you mean "it was shit" as in, it sucked?
M: No, I mean it wasn't nearly enough.
C: Ooooooh, you mean "It wasn't shit" then.
M: Why do you Americans make swearing so damn difficult?!!

7) On Reggae Music
(She runs to come and get me while I am shaving)
M: Chuck!! You gotta see this!!
(She turns on a reggae booty shake video on YouTube).
M: Her ass is like creature.

(After trying to imitate the video).
M: I want an ass like that...

8) On Housecleaning
M: Chuck, I want a bluemen's collector for the Balcony.
C: Huh?
M: A bluemen's collector.
C: What in the hell is a bluemen's collector? Like the group, Blue men?
M: No! BLOOM with a OO.
C: I still don't know what that is...
M: *sigh* She makes a sweeping motion.
C: Oooooh, you mean a "broom and dustpan". Gotcha.

9) While Watching "The Life of Pi"
A: What is that thing called in English?
B: A warthog.
A: Sounds like butthole.
B: What?! No dude! WARTHOG!

10) On Women's issues
M: Often when women have their time of month or get pregnant, their nipples become really sensible.

11) On Aging Hollywood Stars
C: Wow, Val Kilmer has really put on a few pounds.
(Mars walks in).
M: What did you say? (Looks at the screen). I didn't know you liked Steven Seagal movies.