Rebuilding my left arm... among other things

Rebuilding my left arm

My right arm at my normal size

My left arm after partial atrophy
before I started rebuilding it. 

So after getting over the whole EB virus thing, I figured I was good and in the clear for the rest of this year. The doctor had warned me that  my immune system had been seriously compromised in the fight, and told me to take it carefully, and insomuch I as I thought, I was. Sure, every once in a while I could see signs of the weakened state peaking its ugly head out (like the cold-sores-just-from-biting-my-lip thing I mentioned in the last blog) but for the most part, after a month or two, I felt like I was back at 100% in terms of fitness, strength, stamina, etc.

Needless to say, I was pretty surprised when I found out that I tore a rotator cuff in my shoulder just putting on a jacket back in March. As it didn't really hurt at the time (it just kind of "popped") for a while I didn't think anything of it. As time worn on however, a slight discomfort started to develop in certain ranges of motion, and that gave way to pain... And loss of flexibility. Speaking with my Moms on the phone about it, (a retired doctor of occupational a medicine who works on work related inuries), she suggested that it was a rotator cuff tear, and sure enough she hit the nail on the head. By the time I figured out what the issue was for sure though (after finding an incredibly good physical therapy place in Futakotamagawa that I will blog about later), I was down to about 40% flexibility, and raising my arm above my head was almost impossible.
To make matters worse, while flexing the muscles for the wifey at the dinner table one night, she gasped, and told me something that neither one of us had noticed until then. Because I had almost completely stopped using it, my left arm had actually partially atrophied and SHRUNK. Hmmm... How can I put this....NOT COOL. If the there was any physical attribute that I had always taken the most pride in, it was the size and form of my arms. The size of my arms are what made me "look like a fighter" and now all of a sudden, they were uneven. (To see what I mean, check out the size difference in this vid.

First time for everything I guess!

With that, I set up an appointment at the physical therapy clinic that originally diagnosed the issue and they told me that basically, the issue was that after the Rotator Cuff tear, there was bleeding within the tissue. And the less I used my arm, the more that gave that loose blood a chance to solidify and harden into a scar inside my shoulder. While the scar could be softened with time, it would take at least 6 months of stretching and massages to get my full range of motion back.

Now after 5 months, they have made good on their word, and I am back up to about 90% flexibility with just a few more sessions to go, and no surgery required. Although there is still a slight size difference (and major strength difference) between both arms, I had recently started weight training again, and am confident that by the end of the year, I could have them equaled out...and have a better looking stomach chiseled out in the process.

For the first time since last year, I was looking forward to being fully back at 100% health... That is until this past Monday when I sprained my knee in a game of capture of the flag. Now I'm on crutches for the first time since I was a kid, and going through rehab for both my shoulder and knee at the same time. Not exactly the kind of set-back I had hoped for, but as far as Im concerned, it is still nothing more than that- a setback.

As the EB virus infection was the very first thing to happen when I returned to Tokyo at the start of the year, something told me that this was going to be a hard year with a lot of battles to fight. Thus far, it is turning out to be just that. Although there have been some cool victories (Such as Mars and I getting our new place) between the initial infection, the shoulder injury, a problem with the joints in one of my fingers that took a few months to get past and now the knee issue (and a resulting injured calf muscle that I just found out about today) this is turning out to be the most physically difficult year I've ever had.

At the same time though, strangely enough I can't say that I mind. It's kind of like when you are in the ring, and you can feel so many different parts of your body hurting, and you're exhausted, and your heart is racing, but you know that fighting that battle to carry on, (and other ones like it) is what defines you. It's that kind of experience that makes you, you, and overtime it's that feeling that becomes the source of your fearlessness and your invincibility. Overtime, every kind of battle and struggle that you face only reminds you of one thing: that you have won before and you can do it again... and that every one will make the next one easier to win. Yes, being on crutches sucks, but it doesn't suck as much as the first time when I was kid. (I was run over by a car the day before my birthday).

Furthermore, if I can rebuild my arm, then I can rebuild my damn leg too. My 35th birthday is about a week away, and I have no intention of still being on crutches by then. Furthermore, with only a few months left in this hard year, my dear readers, this is the declaration that I will make to you:

When 2014 starts, in one way or another, I will be the strongest that I have ever been.

And until that year starts, I will be working my ass off, and enjoying this fight. As the goo-goo dolls said in Iris, sometimes "you have to bleed just to know you're alive".

To Chase a Dream or Play it Safe: Part 1- Understanding your Motivation

The Wright brothers were able to crack the secret to powered
flight- not by resources or education, but by intrinsic motivation.

In the states, we are always taught to follow our dreams. Entrepreneurs and trailblazers are reserved a special kind of honor that transcends that of normal professions, and even among the ranks of those who haven't made it, there still remains a social respect for their having the courage to try. If not by our parents and friends then by society itself, you are always encouraged to chase your dreams at any cost, and that if you truly commit yourself to them, (no matter how unlikely) you can make it. As a function of this ideal, American culture is filled with stories of people who made the impossible a reality. Powered flight, footprints on the moon, the lightbulb, tablet PCs, the first world's first black president, and a great number of the world's largest and most powerful companies are all proud testaments to that fact.

At the same time however, if there is anything I have learned from having spent the past 14 years chasing after my own next-to-impossible dream, it's that there's a great deal of risk involved. Take the field that I work in for example. In the states, there are around 311 million people, and only around 120,000 - 130,000 unionized professional actors. That works out to about 3/10th of 1% of the population. For people who dream of being a pro-athlete, the figures are even more bleak. With only 17,000 people, the people who can make it as professional athletes only make up 5/100th of 1% of the population. Add in the fact that for Olympic athletes, even among those who make it, some bankrupt their families in the process and cause serious irreversible damage to their bodies on top of it, and the romantic ideal of chasing a dream seems well... a bit less romantic. Perhaps this is why in Asia, people aren't taught to chase their dreams as often. In just the opposite manner, parents and society usually teaches their kids to play it safe, and forego their dreams to work for large, established companies or in established job fields like medicine, law, or education. In doing so, their statistical chances of having a successful (and financially stable) life are substantially higher than their dream-chasing counterparts in the west.

Who is right? As is usually the case with any debate, both sides, and neither side. While there are great advantages (and pay-offs) to pioneering and dream-chasing, there are also great perils that go along with it. As such, to always tell people to "go for it" without educating them on the physical, mental, and financial risks involved, can be every bit as unhealthy as discouraging them from never even trying. If however, you, or someone you know is bound and determined to make your dream happen, then my next 5 blog entries are for you. In each one, Im going to discuss one of the elements that I feel is imperative to finding success despite the odds. Good luck, and may the force be with you.

1. Understand your motivation
When the Wright brothers set out to discover the secret of flight in 1903, they were not the only ones. Their chief competitor was named Samuel Langley. He was from Harvard, extremely well-educated, and worked at the Smithsonian. He was also fully funded by the US War Department, knew all the greatest minds of his time, and had the New York times following his efforts. The Wright brothers on the other hand, had no college education, and neither did anyone else on their team. Their only funding came from what they were making from their bicycle shop. They also had no media attention. But yet and still, it was the Wright brothers who cracked the equation, not Langley. Why? Because the Wright brothers sought to revolutionize the world. Langley just wanted the wealth and prestige of the discovery. So much so, that instead of using his funding to further their discovery, he quit the very same day they cracked it. He wanted the results of making the discovery, but didn't actually care about the discovery itself. Conversely, the Wright brothers had an intrinsic motivating force that burned in their souls so brightly that it pushed them past all odds, failures and obstacles. This, more than anything is what defines those who make it. They have a cause, an internal reason for doing what they do, and the results are, well, just a result of it. Those who don't make it on the other hand, even if they have everything else, often don't have that motivation.

In my own life, this principle manifested in the failure of my first goal of fighting in the 2004 Olympics for Taekwondo, and my relative success in my second goal of being an action actor. Even if I was driven enough, smart enough and tough enough or whatever else, the fact of the matter is, in the core of my soul, I never really cared about being the best fighter in the world. It took me a while to realize it, but what I really wanted was to be the best teacher. That intrinsic desire was what pushed me towards my major at university (communication, leadership, conflict management), my passion for languages (because the more I speak the more people I can reach) my travels to 33 countries in every corner of the globe (to study social issues), and even my love of film and cinema. (Through film you can reach hundreds of thousands- if not millions of people all at once).

Understanding your intrinsic motivation, and the concept of what Simon Sinek calls The Golden Circle will allow you to find a path that best suits you, regardless of what anyone else thinks about it. Furthermore, to find success, you have to find people who believe in you; and what makes people believe in you is seeing that motivation manifesting in everything you do.

References:
http://www.nndb.com/people/670/000165175/
http://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action.html
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061007182955AAYvGuA
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_professional_actors_are_there_in_the_US

*stayed tuned for Part 2: Invest in Yourself. Coming soon!!