All of us have really bizarre dreams, and I think it's one of those things that pretty much any person can relate to. As such, -and as I seemed to be having a lot more of them than usual as of late- I thought it might be fun to start writing them down and actually share them with you, my dear readers. The following is a list of 10 that I managed to remember long enough to write down. This of course exudes reoccurring ones (like the zombie apocalypse ones) and all the waaaaaay weirder ones that unfortunately I disintegrated in my mind before I had a chance to commit them to paper that day. Anyway, enjoy. And please keep one thing in mind though- no matter how weird this sh-- is, it's not my fault. I don't ask for these dreams. They just come.
10. The Hummingbirds are Coming
Normal day in Tokyo... Except that the city's population of hyper-massive crows were replaced by hyper-massive hummingbirds.
9. Pimped out Smarts
9. I'm at a car dealership that only sold tricked out bright yellow smart cars. In order to show my friends back home what pimped out smart cars look like, I have to take pictures of them parked next to my (also bright yellow) Lamborghini Gallardo.
In the dream, I remember thinking "Funny... I don't remember being able to afford this thing…"
8. Being Mistaken for Usher
So I walk into a barber shop (which is all the more funny because I don't have any hair) and the shop owner immediately assumes I'm Usher, (who at this point, for whatever reason is running around Tokyo in high heels) ...and that I owe him a lot of money. Eventually, my only recourse is to kill him by smashing his head up against a giant boulder (that also happens to be in the middle of the barber shop). At this point, his customer still continues to insist that I am Usher, and tries to take me out on behalf of the now-deceived shop owner. At this point, I yell out, "N*gga, do I look anything like Usher to you?? I'm way bigger, my eyes are different, and I'm not wearing high heels!!"
At that point, Usher casually walks in (in the same thigh-high high heeled boots that Japanese women wear in the winter months). The customer takes one look at Usher, looks at me, and then says, "Aww shit." END.
7. Cinna-Man
One sentence to describe this one: A big ass talking Cinna-Bon in a bright red cape.
6. A Dog's Argument for Calculus.
I'm sitting in my family's house at a table... With the previous family dog (that ran away) sitting across from me. We spent the entirety of the dream debating about the relative merits of calculus (which is even funnier because I suck at math). By the end, she never did tell me why she ran away…
5. Dirty Nicole Kidman
I walk into a classroom at the university I used to teach at and catch a former student of mine doing the dirty with Nicole Kidman on a desk. He freaked out and ran away as soon as he saw me. ...She didn't. Ummm... I have no recollection of what happened after that.
4. Scuba Wrapping
Scuba diving with my buddy Steve in an extremely muddy and murky ocean where the ocean floor is covered in gift wrapping. (Which is even funnier because I don't like being in deep water, and realistically, will never in my life go scuba diving).
3. Perfectly Normal Tokyo Pet
Having a pet baby walrus here in my Tokyo apartment. Yep, that's perfectly normal.
2. Nano-dog
Dreaming that my dog is actually a small robotic fly... And by chance I had never noticed that before.
1. Micro-star Galactica
The world is full of little tiny cylons that can reconstruct themselves. The only way to stop them from doing this is to hold the pieces of them together in your hands to stop them from coming back together. Oddly enough near the end of the dream, I knew I was dreaming, and thought, "I can't wake up now!!" If I do, the cylons I am holding will all come back together!!
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