Sh-- my Japanese Wife Says 7

The wifey catching some zzz's with the family dog. 

Not too long ago my wife was one of only 10 (out of about 20,000) who has been personally contacted by the owner of (one of ) her web business' site to discuss her business strategy. And that's one of a myriad of achievements she had had just this year. That will tell ya how smart she is. At the same time though, coming from a different culture and not being a native English speaker, she tends to make linguistic mistakes from time to time (fair enough- as I do the same thing in Japanese)... And the best of them, I just gotta share from time to time. Here is the most recent 10. 

10. Looking at my hands

C: Do you think it's weird that I have a slight bend in a few of my fingers like that? 

M: Is that from fisting people in Taekwondo for so many years? 

C: Hmmm... Punching maybe... Fisting, no, lol. 

9. At breakfast

M: Chuck what are you eating for breakfast? 

C: Oatmeal.

M: What? 

C: Oatmeal.

M: Why in the hell are you talking about cars?! 

C: No dude, OATMEAL, not automobile. 

8. While changing clothes at home, I bend over to put on my pants and totally rip a loud one.

M: Bless you. 

C: Ummm... I don't think that's how it's used, but thanks anyway, lol. 

7. While eating my Cadbury Cream Eggs at Easter

M: So what do you do at Easter in America? 

C: Ummm… Basically, you wake up and eat a bunch of junk food. 

M: How is that different from any other day in America? 

6. At the dinner table.

M: I heard that in America, people think gargling beer can make women hotter. Is that true? 

C: No dude, you're thinking of beer goggles, not beer gargles. 

5. While watching Passenger's "Let her go". 

M: He looks like Chief from Battlestar Galactica. 

(Funny thing is, she's right- he totally does). 

4. While cleaning the house

M: We need to change the light bubble in the ceiling. 

3. While out in Tokyo

M: My lips are really dry...Do you have any lip bums? 

2. While back in Michigan 

M: Is the dog okay? Do we need to take him to the Vietnam-Alien? 

C: Veteranarian

M: Whatever. 

1. While I was on crutches

M: Wow, this is my first time having lunch with a cripple. 

C: How so very sensitive of you, my dear. 

M: Don't be so insulted. If it wasn't cool there, wouldn't be a gang in LA named after them. 
C:?? 
M: You know… the guys who wear blue and fight with Bloods.