Sh-- my Ebonic Dad Says - Best Quotes from the Late Great Lonnie Johnson

My Dad being his usual self on my Mom's last birthday.

One of the things that I will miss the most about my Dad is the fact that he was simply one of the funniest people Ive ever met. Half the time without even trying to be. As a function of that, earlier this year, I got into a habit of writing down things he would say with the eventual goal of sharing the list with him. Since his passing was relatively sudden however, I only managed to write down 12 of them, and I felt that the best thing I could do was simply share all 12 with everyone else. For better or worse, I feel that the kind of things he would say could paint a far more accurate and complete portrayal of the complexity of his character than anything I could ever write about him. While the other blog entries I wrote were more about intelligent, passionate, articulate social activist that everyone else knew, this one is about the ceaselessly comical person I grew up calling "Dad". I hope that everyone who reads this list finds it as funny as I do. Even just in typing it out, I couldn't help but smile.

12. On the weather this summer:

Hot damn, its hotter than Dutch love outside! 

11. On Skype: 

Only $10 for a few months?? Damn, you cant beat that with a stick man! 

10. On using credit cards to pay off debt:

Aww sh*it man, that just robbing Peter to pay Paul. 

 9. On politely informing someone that their dishonesty is apparent:

Well piss in my pocket and tell me it's rainin'! 

 8. On the financial crisis: 

Those damn banks are f*cking us hard, and the bastards didn't even bother to kiss us first!

 7. On hitting rock bottom: 

Man, that fool doesn't have a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of. 

 6. On letting go of inefficient workers:

Sheee-it, one monkey didn't start no show, and it sure as hell ain't gon end it. 

 5. On partying: 

That sh*t was off tha hook! Brothas was comin' in three on a mule man! 

 4. On positively praising your friends' selection of attire:

Did you see my man's suit? Hot dog! Brotha's looking sharp as a Harlem sissy on Saturday night!

 3. On the Eye of Sauron from Lord of the Rings:

Tha sh*t looks like a big flamin' p*ssy. 

(Keep in mind that he said this outloud in a crowded movie theatre full of kids. The funny thing is though, if you look at it, he's totally right.)

 2. On Proposing to my Mom (in a KFC of all places)

Woman... There comes a time where a man has to either sh*t or get off the pot. 

 (The fact that she actually said yes to that still blows my mind).

 And the number one quote...This was the last thing he said to me on the phone before I got on the plane to come and see him before he passed.

 Mom: Be safe, love. And if you can't be safe, be careful.
 Dad: (yelling across the room): And if ya can't be careful name it after me, haha! 

 Love and miss you, Pops. You may be gone, but you're never over.

Saying goodbye to my Dad

When Mom first told me that there was a chance my father's cancer might have come back, on a hunch, I thought it would be a good idea to come back to Michigan for father's day to see him. My pops was mentally sharp, active, and for a guy in his 70s, still strong as an ox. The doctors said it could be liver cancer (50% of living more than 5 years) or pancreas (only 5% chance). Even when we found out that it was pancreas cancer, I somehow thought he would still beat it. He's done it before with prostate cancer, and historically, my family is filled with miracle workers. (my mom wasn't supposed to live past 41, my sister, 26, and my other sister who has MS is supposed to be wheelchair bound by now, and she's not).

 Little did I know however that pancreas cancer is the most aggressive and dangerous form of cancer out there. It took less than 10 days from diagnosis to take him away from us, and all of us were left in a state of shock.

 Although he didnt make it to Father's Day, (he passed the night before) he managed to hang on long enough for me to get home to see him. My sister moved her wedding ceremony to the very next day, and we had the wedding bedside, so all he had to do was say, "I do." Even as weak as he was, he said it in a loud and strong voice that everyone could hear. With that, he gave her away as the bride, flashed a huge smile and then a few hours after that, with all 6 of his kids and all 9 of his grandchildren around him, on a warm, sunny, beautiful day with deer playing in the backyard, he peacefully and painlessly passed away. Usually pancreas cancer is extremely painful, but because of the way that my Dad's spread through his system, it was totally painless. He passed quickly without having to become a vegetable and even if he was weak, stayed alert and joked until the very end. Aside from one morning thunderstorm that came and went in a matter of hours, the weather stayed more or less perfect all the way up to his funeral one week later.

Roses that not only bloomed right before my Dad returned from the hospital,
but that also grew to be tall enough for him to see them from his 2nd story bedroom window before he passed. 

 In one respect, as hard as it was to see him go, I really feel like he went out in the best way that he could have, and Im grateful that I got to share as much time as I did with him. Even if he won't be here to see me do my best work in this industry, I am grateful that he was here long enough to see me get a magazine cover, to become an established player and even to do a TV show together.

While this trip home meant losing an awesome comedic movie role (playing a brotha working in a Japanese burger shop), and also being written out of the final episodes of ATARU (something I anticipated would happen when I booked the tickets), I am so so so glad I took that chance at going home.

 Getting to actually see and be a part of his passing (not to mention my best friend's graduation from medical school, my nephew's graduation open house from high school, and his funeral was not only worth the money of the flight, it was worth loosing the work as well. I've heard of a lot of entertainers who lost their loved ones while committed to a project, and I'm really glad that I didn't have to be one of them. Love and miss you Dad. You'll always be my hero.

http://www.lansingstatejournal.com/article/20120619/NEWS01/306190036/Okemos-man-remembered-leader-advocate

Dad in the Papers Again

Not too long ago, my Dad was featured in a local newspaper back home and my best friend from my high school days emailed me a copy so I could check it out. I think this is the 3rd (or 4th) time he`s been featured in the papers back home since Ive come out here. Among other things after he got sick and recovered himself, he launched a state wide prostate cancer awareness initiative that, at least to my knowledge is still running today. Thats my Pops. Always the celebrity. ;)