Sh-- my Japanese Wife Says 8

While listening to Purple Haze
M: Chuck, is Jimi Hendrix gay? 
C: Not that I know of. Why? 
M: Cuz in this song, I keep hearing him say, " 'Cuze me, while I kiss this guy."

2) While watching QVC with my Moms...

M: Why does the saleswoman keep talking about midgets.  

C: When did she mention midgets? 

M: She keep saying “This shirt won’t show your midgets.” (She points at her at their stomach).

C: Ah,that’s called your Midriff. Not midgets, lol.

3) While showing her “Baby Got Back” for the first time...

M: Is he talking about Hot Dog Buns or Hamburger Buns? 

4) While trying to use new English phrases: 

M: You know what they say… “Never give a horse a blow-job.” 

C: Never look a gift-horse in the mouth. 

M: Yeah, whatever. You know what I mean. 

5) Also, while still trying to use new English phrases: 

C: Mars, do you think it will be sunny enough for a swim this afternoon. 

(She looks out at the clouds outside). 

M: Don’t hold your breasts. 

6) While driving in Michigan, and passing a sign that says "Watch Batteries":

M: What about the batteries do we need to watch for? 

7) While changing over money at the airport in Michigan: 

C: Check it out, babe. There’s a new $100 bill. 

M: Why, was there too much fornication? 

C: Forgery. 

M: Whatever. You know what I mean. 

8) While watching rap videos:

M: What was the name of the guy Eminem’s Rap God Video was done after? Harry Anderson? 

C: Max Headroom

M: Oh, that’s right. 

C: Where in the hell did you get Harry Anderson from??

9) While listening to a radio commercial about Tecomseh, Michigan:

C: I’ve never been to Tecomseh. 

M: Come see what? 

C: Tecomseh. 

M: What are you gonna come see? 

C: Tecomseh, dude. It’s a place name. 

M: To come see where?? Stop being so damn confusing!!

10) While talking about back in the day...:

C: Like most guys my age, when I was a kid, I loved He-man. 

M: You loved what?? 

C: He-man. He was an action hero with a big sword. 

M: You can’t name an action hero after that! 

(I stop and think about it). 

C: No dude, HE-man, not Hyman! 

11) While watching an interview of Neil Patrick Harris: 

M: Is that Doctor Police Box? 

C: No, that’s not Dr. Who. Different doctor. He played Doogie Houser, MD. 

M: You sure? I still think he was Dr. Police Box...

12) While feeling nauseous...:
M: Do we have any Alcatraz?
C: Alka-seltzer.
M: I still can't find the Arkansas.
C: Alka-seltzer.